Deterioration Over Time
Title: Deterioration Over Time
Fandom: Dir en Grey, Phantasmagoria
Pairing: Kyo/Kisaki, one-sided Riku/Kisaki, Toshiya/Shinya
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 1/1
Disclaimer: It’s a shocker here: I don’t own them.
Summary: "Kisaki," he responds, the calling of your name a venomous hiss, "what do you want?"
"To make things right," you respond calmly, doing your best to keep your emotions level.
Warnings:
Sexual situations, possible out-of-characterness, possible grammar
errors because Sun is still uncomfortable with second-person.
Author’s Note:
A direct sequel to Closer to You. There’s no inspirations or such for
this, just the desire to give closure to Kisaki and Kyo. Also, I lied
about never wanting to write second-person again. I wanted this to be
written in the same style as Closer to You, so I caved. Don’t expect
much second-person after this though.
"I think you need to talk to him."
Riku was always honest, you knew, but his frankness is a bit startling.
His response to your stunned stare is a simple shrug, as though he felt
he had only stated the obvious. And you can’t help but bite your
because because it was obvious. "Yeah," you manage to respond after an
extended silence. "I know I do, Riku. It’s just…"
He arches
his eyebrows expectantly, wanting your answer to be a satisfactory one,
but somehow knows it would be nothing of the sort. Just his expression
tells you that he won’t fall for your poorly-constructed excuses, but
you still opt to vocalize them anyway. "I don’t think Kyo would listen
to me even if I did try talking to him. He’s stubborn."
Riku tilts his head to the side. "To be fair, you did give him a good reason to never want to talk to you."
That forces you to stare at the ground. Though you know Riku’s
intention had not been to rub your nose in your mistakes, you still
can’t help but want to hide your face in shame everytime they’re
mentioned. Everytime you hear your sins repeated it feels like world is
being dropped on you, crushing you beneath its overwhelming bulk.
"But that’s just an excuse," Riku informs you matter-of-factly, "the
Kisaki I know is persistent to the point of being obnoxious. I don’t
see why you can’t be the same with Kyo."
"That’s different," you respond quietly, but you don’t believe that anymore than he does.
"Talk to him," Riku repeats, "maybe he’ll be more receptive to you after all these years."
You nod dumbly. Riku could be unnervingly logical, which had its perks,
but also had its downfalls. And you suddenly frown as a new thought
suddenly enters your mind. And it’s one you can’t shake away. "I’m
sorry," you tell him.
"What for?" He looks over at you, confused.
"For not feeling the same way."
He grins and shakes his head, trying to prove to you that the
unrequited love was having no effect on him, but you easily could see
the torment buried beneath the false happiness. "You have nothing to
apologize about," he states firmly, "I’d much rather see you happy with
someone else than unhappy with me."
"Riku…"
He knows what you’re about to say is an apology and he won’t accept that. "Enough. Go talk to your irritable little friend."
You nod stupidly and get up to walk away, but just before you can leave
and attempt to put things back into order, you hear him mutter, "Though
if he still won’t listen to you then I might have to claim you for
myself."
And you laugh, nervously.
You
stare at the stage, horrified by the morbid scene on display, wanting
nothing more than for it to just be a twisted nightmare you’ll soon
awake from. But you know that it’s no grotesque dream and that
knowledge alone feels like a knife twisting in your heart. You watch
Kyo on the stage, brutally ripping open his body and letting his blood
spill; it makes you want to cry, to scream, to do something besides
simply standing and watching, paralyzed by his public self-destruction.
And that’s when your eyes quickly lock onto each other. What you find
in his gaze disturbs you and burns you with guilt; the deep, gentle
eyes you had expected from him weren’t there anymore, but instead was
this feral, borderline-insane gaze. Your mind began shrieking that this
was folly and you found that you couldn’t help but step back, stunned.
But the primal gaze of his leaves you as suddenly as it came, leaving
you cold amidst the animalistic crowd begging for his bloodshed.
After that you feel numb, the entire situation far too horrific, too there for you to want to comprehend.
"Kisaki." Kaoru walks over to you, a small smile hidden behind his veil
of dark hair. You attempt to smile in turn, but find that you can’t
feign even the slightest bit of happiness. And his expression softens,
as though a silent connection between you two left him understanding.
"It’s been awhile," he commented, "but let me guess: this isn’t just a
friendly visit."
You nod reluctantly. "I wish it was," you tell him honestly.
He nods in return. "Kyo’s back here," he informs you, jerking his head
back down the hall as though to illustrate his words. "Come on, Kisaki.
I’ll take you to him." You two walk down the hall, the silence hanging
above you and him an awkward one. Fortunately, the uncomfortable quiet
is short-lived.
"He never really got over it, you know," Kaoru tells you sternly, his voice stern and scolding.
"I assumed as much."
"He probably isn’t going to want to see you."
"Then why are you taking me to him?"
He falls silent for a moment, as though he’s sank deep into thought.
Then, finally, he speaks again, "I don’t condone what you did and I do
understand why he wants nothing to do with you, but it doesn’t take a
lot to realize that you two being at odds is destroying him."
You can feel the guilt weighing upon you like a heavy curtain. "Yeah… I noticed he seemed a bit… different on stage."
Kaoru closes his eyes, as though recalling the events on stage is a
painful exercise. He exhales sharply, his breath wavering slightly.
"It’s been difficult, coping with that. None of us enjoy watching him
fall apart like that."
And all you can do is nod stupidly.
"Here it is," he informs you, stopping at one of the numerous doors.
You pause, uncertain; the mere presence of the door seems to weigh
uncomfortably on you. "Do you need me there to make sure he doesn’t
kill you?" He jokes, but you both know just how serious the situation
is. You shake your head in the negative, gather together your wavering
resolve, and go through the door.
"Kyo."
He
stares at you, that feral look in his eyes amplified upon seeing your
face. There’s the initial shock derived from you entering the room on
his face, but it quickly becomes one of hatred and disgust as he
quickly recalls the reason why you two were at odds to begin with.
"Kisaki," he responds, the calling of your name a venomous hiss, "what
do you want?"
"To make things right," you respond calmly, doing
your best to keep your emotions level. You could already tell that Kyo
wouldn’t keep his emotions in check, so you decided it would be best
for you to not worsen the problem.
"There’s nothing to make
right," he snaps irritably, blatantly wanting you to leave and never
show your face around him again, "I don’t want to make things right
with you." He then glowers at you, silently daring you to oppose his
will.
You shift uncomfortably, uncertain, but you know coming
to terms with Kyo wasn’t going to be a simple task. Kyo’s pride would
never permit that. Your eyes wander from his glare, taking an acute
notice of the red welts and scratches burned onto his body and you can
feel your frown deepen. You aren’t entirely certain what to make of his
self-destructive machinations, but you feel a twinge of pain
irregardlessly. "Those you look painful," you comment, obviously
wanting to avoid the inevitable conflict.
"Kisaki."
You flinch at that tone in his voice. He wants you to get to the point,
not use his self-mutilative rituals as an excuse to dodge the reason
you’ve approached him. "Sorry," you mutter gruffly, embarrassed. He
doesn’t move at all, almost as though he had become a stone statue. You
can’t avoid it anymore; you have to tell him. "Kyo, I’m sorry. I’m
sorry I slept with Takahashi-san." You can feel your heart racing as
those words leave your mouth. They were words you wanted to bury in
your mind and never have to utter, but you knew that wishing that you
would never have to use them was foolhardy, especially considering your
crime. Silence echoed after your voice, leaving you feeling even more
awkward. Time passed as Kyo remained still and quiet. It was starting
to unnerve you.
Then, at last, he began to move towards you.
"Kyo…?" You begin, confused, but immediately fall quiet when the back
of his hand makes contact with your cheek; your head to snaps to the
side and the sharp pain begins to blossom. And you can’t help but look
at him, shocked.
"You didn’t even care, did you?" he snaps, his
face twisted into something almost inhuman. "Did you stop to think of
what that would do to me? I loved Himeko, Kisaki, and you went ahead
and ruined everything!"
"Kyo, shut up," you’re stunned by the
words that fall from your mouth; Kyo raises his eyebrows, seemingly
shocked by them as well. And somehow this gives you the resolve to
continue. "You never once stopped to think of how I felt, so don’t you
dare pretend that you did nothing wrong and I’m a horrible person.
We’re both guilty here."
His eyebrows snap together in a glare, "I have no idea what you’re talking about."
"Bullshit!" you snap. "’Oh, the most wonderful thing happened, Kisaki.
I’m in love with a girl now, Kisaki. Don’t mind me pretending nothing
ever happened between us, Kisaki.’" You can’t help but feel a grim
success as his eyes widen in shock. "Did it never occur to you that I
might’ve not liked being suddenly replaced by a girl?"
"Kisaki, that’s…"
"You never even gave me the chance! One minute everything was fine
between us and then suddenly I get replaced by a girl. A girl, that
might I add, didn’t even care enough about you to not come onto me!"
"Shut up!" You step back, terrified. You never heard that tone of voice
from him before. Ever. It was overwhelming, a horrific kalideoscope of
wrath, anguish, and despair. And you suddenly feel foolish, needling
him so brutally when you had only intended to bring the bitter enmity
between you two to an end.
"Kyo… I…"
"Didn’t I just tell you to shut up?"
"Yeah…" And you stand there, unsure of what to do seeing as speaking
was just infuriating him even worse. You sigh and back up against the
door, giving much the needed space between you and him.
His
glare finally begins to falter and he looks down at the floor, his
bleach flop of bangs partially covering his face. And though it’s not
incredibly apparent, you can see him shaking, his body overloading on
the overwhelming emotions and the accompanying stress. "You’re a
selfish bastard," he manages to croak, his voice cracking. And that’s
when it dawns on you that he’s crying; this new knowledge washes over
you, the heartache spilling from him and creeping up to you.
You smile humorlessly at him. "You’re a bastard too, you know," you
inform him, your voice gentle despite how brutal your words are. That’s
when the first loud sob erupts from his chest and you find that even
after all the years of icy enmity between you two that you do not want
to witness him break down. "Kyo… calm down." You step away from the
wall and back to him, carefully reaching out to touch him. At first he
flinches, shies away from your touch, so you wrap your arms around him,
desperately wanting his torment to end. He immediately tenses in your
arms, still sobbing softly. "Kyo, stop crying."
He shakes his head furiously. "I’m not crying!"
You sigh and subconsciously begin to run your hand up and down his back
gently. "Please, Kyo," you beg softly, "calm down. I don’t like seeing
you like this."
Finally, something besides a sob leaves his mouth. "Then why did you sleep with her?"
"I made a mistake," you tell him, "I didn’t come to make excuses for that."
He paused awhile before he continued talking. "Then why did you come?"
And that was when your feelings for Kyo dared to reveal themselves. "Because I love you."
After looking down at the ground for so long he finally looks up, his
eyes red and cheeks blotchy from crying. He doesn’t say anything, but
simply stares at you. And you can’t help but smile softly; even after
ten years you could still understand his silent pleas. You gently grab
him by his chin and lean down to kiss him once again.
"What are you two doing?"
Die jumps in surprise while Kaoru merely looks over towards the
direction of the voice. Shinya stood there staring at them, perplexed
and probably mildly disturbed. Kaoru and Die had been eavesdropping on
you and Kyo, the two guitarists wedged carefully against the door in an
attempt to pick what few words they could. It was an unusual sight and
one that Shinya didn’t expect. "Nothing really," Die is the first to
respond, trying to play down their bizarre behavior.
Shinya isn’t fooled by the light-hearted response. "You’re eavesdropping on Kyo for no particular reason."
It is at this point Kaoru decides to offer a better response. "We’re just checking up and Kisaki and Kyo."
Shinya’s eyebrows arch in confusion. "I thought Kisaki and Kyo weren’t talking to each other."
"They weren’t," Kaoru said matter-of-factly, "but things change."
Die frowned, concerned. "Kaoru, they’re not talking anymore in there," he voices. "Do you think Kyo killed him?"
Kaoru instantly presses himself against the door again, behaving more
like a child than a grown man and leader of a rock band. Die follows
suit, also curious as to what events would unfold. "I can’t believe you
two," Shinya informs them starkly.
"If you don’t like it then go find your little boyfriend," Die tells him jokingly and stuck his tongue out at the drummer.
Shinya wrinkles his nose in distaste. "No thanks," he answers, "Toshiya
would just join you two if he found out what was going on." He then
purses his lips thoughtfully and edges closer to the door. "Besides, I
think I need to stay put in case we need to call the police on those
two."
"Admit it. You’re curious."
"No. You’re just bad influences," he reminds them, smiling softly.
And that’s when your strangled moan broke their conversation. Die
quickly jumps away from the door, his cheeks tinged red with
embarrassment. "Well, uh…" he begins, not sure what to say, "that’s
very…"
Kaoru couldn’t help but grin. "I think it’s safe to
say they made up." He stood up and dusted off his jeans, clearly
satisfied with the course of events. "Come on you two," he coaxes.
"Leave the two of them alone. Let’s go find Toshiya."
Die frowns at him. "Kaoru, you were the one that was easedropping on them to begin with."
"Let’s not place all the blame on me, Die. Let’s go find Toshiya."
"But…"
You’re still not entirely sure how this twist of events took place, but
you found yourself seated haphazardly on the sofa with him on top of
you, his mouth attacking your neck and collarbone savagely. You tilt
your head back and let out a pleased noise, offering him more of your
neck to assault, something that he seems overjoyed to do. "Kyo…" you
whisper, letting the name fall from your mouth without any other
purpose than simply being voiced. You feel him smile against your neck,
feel the vibration of his pleased hum. "Kyo…" His hands run down your
chest, left vulnerable by your unbuttoned shirt. You feel a pleased
noise escape from deep in your throat and bury your face against the
side of his neck, wanting to drown yourself in the simple sensations.
The long fingers glide down your exposed chest, making sure to not
leave on inch of flesh untouched. You feel as though you’re drifting
away, being enticed into a trance by the mere sensual touches. However,
you find yourself being abruptly snapped out of your dazed state as you
feel his hands reach the clasp of your jeans and undo the zipper.
And you can’t help but gasp as his cool hand reaches beneath your
boxers and brushes against the burning flesh, but he refuses to cease
there. With brisk, firm movements he takes ahold of your cock and
begins to lavish it with attention, his hand deftly massaging the
organ. You find yourself starting to pant softly as you feel it twitch
and grow hard, aching for more of the pleasurable contact. You also
discover yourself instinctively arching your hips against his hand,
wanting to continue feeding your feverish desire, but the instant you
do he quickly removes his hand. You feel the whines of disappointment
leave your throat before you can gain control of them. He chuckles at
you, a teasing tone flickering in his laugh. "You don’t need to be so
impatient," he tells you, choosing to work on discarding your jeans and
boxers, "I’ll give you what you want soon enough." And then you find
your face growing hot, entranced and aroused by the dirty things he
begins to utter into your ear as he finishes working off your garments.
It’s only after they’re gone do you become consciously aware of nudity
and his body still being completely dressed and find yourself slightly
uncomfortable with the unfair situation so you choose to remedy the
problem and tug relentllessly at his clothes. However, the result is
not him taking off the garments, but instead makes him grab your wrists
and pin your hands to your sides. "You’re not in charge," he chides
you, making you flush. And he returns to his careful ministrations,
worshipping your nude body.
"Please…" you utter, hardly louder than a whisper.
"Hm?" He removes himself from his current worshipping and looks at you.
In the back of your mind you acutely take note of how softened his eyes
are, how he looks more human now. Normally you would have paid more
attention to such details, but you found your body’s desires were
overwhelming your natural thought.
"Please…" you repeat
pathetically, "I need…" you found it painfully difficult to form an
coherent thought, frustrating you as he continued with his affectionate
kisses and touches. "I-I can’t… please…"
And he ceases, frowning and listening to your broken language and desperate pleading.
"I just… Kyo, please…"
As though you uttered a magical word, he removes himself from your body
and stands. You’re confused by this action as first, but a
slowly-budding knowledge fills your mind and kneels in front of you.
You don’t even have the chance to fully register what is about to
happen as his warm mouth surrounds your hardened length, his tongue
running delicate motions over the sensitive flesh. You jump in shock,
gasp, and then moan loudly at the pleasurable sensation. You feel your
hips instinctively arch forward into the action, but they’re instantly
held back down into place. Noises of protest escape your throat, but
instead of releasing you hips he hums in amusement. The vibration
becomes to much for you and you scream, your release being ripped from
your body and spilling into his mouth. He swallows it hungrily, running
his tongue across his lips to capture any stray bits of your release.
You watch him and you feel like you’re caught in a daze, a dream-like
state. A mischevous smile spreads on his face and he rises to wrap his
arms around you, kissing you with a feverous aggression; you can’t help
but let your mouth open, surrendering to his newfound dominance. He
takes advantage of the simple act of compliance and you can taste the
heat of his mouth and the salty hint of your release as he devours you.
He breaks away from you, taking the oppurtunity to whisper to you. "I
need you to get on your hands and knees," he insists urgently, placing
your hand against his hardened arousal beneath his jeans as though to
illustrate his point. And it doesn’t take anymore insisting than that.
You fumble clumsily to turn around on the sofa. But once you do get on
your hands and knees you hear the unzipping of his jeans and feel the
presence of his hands on your hips. And your heartbeat races as you
feel his hardened arousal press against your rear. However, you weren’t
prepared for him suddenly slamming into you, no lube, no preparation,
no nothing. A pained scream rips from your throat at the sudden, harsh
intrusion and you know your face is twisted into an expression of pain.
He pulls out and forces himself into your body again, and after this
scream you know you’re crying.
And it’s also at this point you
feel his body against your back, his arms wrapping around you.
"Shhh…" he whispers and the gentleness in his voice shocks you. "It
only hurts at first, I promise it’ll get better." He rocks back and
forth into you and, a hand snaking down to your length and carefully
fondles it. And as he said, the pain starts to edge away and finally
you moan, the pleasurable sensations making their presence now; you can
feel yourself growing aroused again, your cock twitching and hardening.
You can feel him smile against your back as you continue to moan softly.
That’s when the jolt hit you. You arch your back and scream in
pleasure, your eyes wide; he had brushed something inside of you that
made you see white. A satisfied growl emanates from his throat as he
takes note of your reaction and he hits the spot again. He continues to
slam into the spot that made you scream and you writhe beneath him,
mewing and screaming. And then that’s when release hits you again with
the same violence that he entered you with. You can’t help by tense as
the spasms rip through your body, only triggering his own release. The
way he was rocking into you lessened, eventually coming to a halt. And
you remain in that position with him for and indefinite time, your mind
still foggy from the events that had just occurred. You had come to
apologize to him, but in the end you both had ended up sleeping
together. You notice your arms are starting to quiver from maintaining
your position and you finally move, letting him detach himself from you
and sitting up on the sofa.
He stands, zipping his jeans back
up and gathering your clothes. You put them back on, wincing at the
sore feeling your body was preaching. And you stand up, looking at him
expectantly.
"To be honest, Kisaki…" he begans, pausing and
trying to find the right words to use, "I’m not sure what will happen
with this. I mean… I’m giving you another chance, but I don’t know
what will happen with that."
Despite the cynicism behind those
words you still smile. Despite the destruction of your relationship he
was willing to try rebuilding it with you. "Thank you for giving me
another chance."
And he smiles, the primal expression that had become so synonymous with him gone.
– taken from http://spatterpunk.livejournal.com/1000.html
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